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 I'M THE WORST PARENT EVER!!!

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Sheba&Kennedy
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PostSubject: I'M THE WORST PARENT EVER!!!   Thu Aug 15, 2013 9:56 pm

I have been in tears for the last 15 minutes! I did something so AWFUL and I can't get over it!

As some of you may know, I have four dogs in the house right now. Sheba, Kennedy, and the foster pups Ares and Luna. Luna is new; an intact female Standard Poodle. At first, things were a little rough between her and Sheba, which of course was expected. However, it seemed Sheba took to Luna a LOT faster then she did Ares. So, I will admit my guard has been down. These two rough house all day long and then are perfectly fine laying down next to each other or sharing the water bowl.

Well, these past couple of days there have been little outbursts. Nothing awful, just Sheba seeing something valuable and thinking she is going to get away with snapping at Luna and guarding it from her. I verbally correct her and then I give her a time out. It is never very long, and as soon as I let her out, the two of them are wrestling again. Well, tonight wasn't so lucky. I don't even know what set it off. Feeding time had just gotten done and I ALWAYS pick up the bowls after; prevention is the best offense. I MAKE SURE every dog sees me pick up every single bowl. I was doing dishes, getting ready to make myself a Shakeology; when I look over because something caught my eye. I saw it a split second before it happened. Sheba was hunched up like a cat, hackles raised from the back of her neck to her tail, that "look" in her eyes and those lips and nose pulled so far back, kid could have had some surgery done. Then she went for it. Went straight for Luna's neck and flipped her to the ground. The noise was awful, absolutely awful. I have no idea what set her off, but I wasn't happy. I ran over, pulled Sheba off her and yelled at her. I have NEVER yelled that loud, and I scared the crap out of that dog. There was so much negative energy, Ares ran off and hid in the corner and wouldn't come near me for a good 5 minutes. I checked over Luna and I think Sheba's canine hit just the right spot and she was bleeding pretty good, but other then that I didn't notice anything else.

After I tended to her I realized what I had just done. I went over to Ares and coaxed him out of the corner and then I went to Sheba's kennel. Sheba has NEVER looked so pitiful. It straight up broke my heart. I broke that trust with her, I broke the bond I have been working SO HARD to build, in just hat split second. I feel like the WORST parent ever. I can't believe I did that to her. I might as well have just beaten the crap out of her the way she looked. She won't come out of her kennel, her ears are back, she won't look me in the eyes, and she gives my hands quick licks. I don't like seeing her like this and I don't like her treating me like this either. I am not her alpha, I am her protector..or supposed to be at least. I feel like SHIT.

Has anyone else ever had moments like this happen? How did you get over it? How did you build that bond back up? Also, how can I proof Sheba's reactions better?? We have worked on trading games, she has been corrected up the wazoo, so I need something different. I need a new approach. Any and all advice is extremely welcomed.
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AMB
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PostSubject: Re: I'M THE WORST PARENT EVER!!!   Thu Aug 15, 2013 10:11 pm

That's pretty sad. Sad

Although you're not entirely to blame, in the swing of panic moments like that it can be really hard to control your emotions and you had everyone's best interest at heart. I can understand how awful that feeling that you get in the pit of your  must be and even though I can't offer any advice I do wish you good luck. Hopefully she'll forgive and forget over time. Although I wouldn't go as far as to call you the worst pet owner ever, you're certainly not that, especially when considering that you feel so bad about this.


Last edited by AMB on Thu Aug 15, 2013 10:14 pm; edited 2 times in total
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Dot
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PostSubject: Re: I'M THE WORST PARENT EVER!!!   Thu Aug 15, 2013 10:13 pm

I have no advice really, and I'm on my phone so it's hard to write a lot, I just want to give you a hug or something.. I know the terrible parent feeling and it's the worst. But sometimes shit happens, I know you would never intentionally do something to compromise the bond you guys have.. In that split second, the energy was high, and it was bad, split-second you may not have handled it in the best way possible, but you did break it up, and whatever's done is done. Don't beat yourself up too bad and just focus on making up with the furkids, you don't need to bring that kind of energy to the table. Keep us updated on the furbabies. And, hug Sad
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JillC
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PostSubject: Re: I'M THE WORST PARENT EVER!!!   Thu Aug 15, 2013 10:22 pm

Honestly, what could you have done different in that moment? Would Sheba have let Luna go had you not yelled and grabbed her? She had her on the ground by the throat. You didn't know if she was going to kill her or what. Don't beat yourself up.
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Hayden_69
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PostSubject: Re: I'M THE WORST PARENT EVER!!!   Thu Aug 15, 2013 10:41 pm

I've been in you're shoes before and it really does make you feel horrible. One good thing about dog's is that they are very forgiving. Give her a little time and I'm sure she will bounce right back. Don't think of it as you're bond is broken, she messed up and now she know's not to do that again. Everything will be ok, just take a breath, kick back, relax and when you're fully calmed down, offer her a cookie or something that makes her happy.

No point in beating yourself up, we've all been there one time or another. I know it's happened to me several times.   Just know she won't hold a grudge and she still loves you.
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arooroomom
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PostSubject: Re: I'M THE WORST PARENT EVER!!!   Thu Aug 15, 2013 11:23 pm

In the moment you got them separated and ensured it didn't get worse than it had to. We all have moments we freak. The first time Ro and Odin went at I I lost my shit. They were all freaked the heck out. It happens. The best you can do is move on from the moment and leave it behind. Stick chairs or oven pans between the dogs or a favorite is turn the hose or sink spray nozzle on them. Stark my last foster did not belong in a home with other dogs and he had a few good outburst before he became a strict crate dog. The spray works long enough to knock some sense Into them for a moment and allow you to take control of the situation.

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VintageJeans
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PostSubject: Re: I'M THE WORST PARENT EVER!!!   Thu Aug 15, 2013 11:52 pm

I would definitely say you did what you had to do in Luna's best interest. You proved your point to Sheba that it was definitely not tolerated!

Sheba will bounce back tomorrow. I think I yelled or spanked Juneau really hard one time and she did not want to be around me for the rest of the night. She forgave me the next morning. Dogs are very forgiving. Give it time!
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mbarnard0429
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PostSubject: Re: I'M THE WORST PARENT EVER!!!   Fri Aug 16, 2013 12:45 am

You didn't ruin your bond with her - I've had outbursts with Delilah and Cato. They look sad, and I don't really know if they know what they did wrong, but it gets the point across and sometimes I think a little negative reinforcement is a good thing. In this case, you were doing what I would have done: Pulled her off and gave her a scolding. You didn't beat her and it's not like you yell at her frequently. Relax.
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SkyPlusUs
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PostSubject: Re: I'M THE WORST PARENT EVER!!!   Fri Aug 16, 2013 9:29 am

I'm sure she will forgive you. You did what you had to do to stop the situation getting worse and I'd have done the same (to my dogs and kids) There's been a few moments where I've had to yell at Wispa for going at Sky and Phoenix, she gave Sky a bloody nose last week, if yelling wasn't enough I would drag her off too
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wpskier222
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PostSubject: Re: I'M THE WORST PARENT EVER!!!   Fri Aug 16, 2013 9:37 am

Yeah she'll be fine. Remember the first time you saw your mom yell? It was probably scary, but didn't make you not love her anymore. She'll be fine and probably really sweet today. I actually think it was a good thing and it might strengthen the bond. You have to protect all of your pack, even if its from each other.
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cinnamonbits
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PostSubject: Re: I'M THE WORST PARENT EVER!!!   Fri Aug 16, 2013 10:34 am

Take a deep breath. I know it feels horrible right now but everything will be OK. The amazing thing about dogs is that no matter how mad you get at them, they always forgive you. I didn't even yell at Karli the time I caught her peeing in my kitchen, I walked in on her and before I could even say anything, she gave me the saddest expression and went to her kennel. I didn't even yell at her. Sheba just needs that reinforcement that you still love her, like after your dad yells at you, he comes in later to talk to you about why he yelled in the first place? I would sit down next to her crate and try to coax her out with treats and loves. She'll come out eventually and she'll feel better. I think it was probably more of a shock to her than anything else.
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mmwhiteside
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PostSubject: Re: I'M THE WORST PARENT EVER!!!   Fri Aug 16, 2013 12:55 pm

That had to be a really scary moment and I am not sure I would have been able to act any differently. I agree with the other posts that nothing is broken - and Sheba was probably feeling quite the same way - as in uh oh, I've done something so bad and now my human is really mad. But think of even how the momma dogs handle situations when the little ones get out of hand - they snarl, growl, and sometimes bite the pups - HARD. You didn't hit Sheba. You separated them and you Growled (yelled). In that moment I am not sure that anything (other than the water - I love that idea and have stored it in my memory bank) would have made much of a difference, and if not for your quick reaction the results could have been much worse.

Give Sheba lots of love and praise for the things she does right today, and take time with her and Luna to make sure they make up as well - although they might have done so by time you read this. Just the fact that you are filled with so much guilt over yelling makes it so easy to see what a GREAT parent you are. Forgive yourself, and love those furbabies!! ((Hugs))
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ChillyBeach
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PostSubject: Re: I'M THE WORST PARENT EVER!!!   Fri Aug 16, 2013 3:56 pm

It seems you reacted at the right level and energy to take control of the situation.    If Harry gets violent and is trying to kill babygirl im going to get real loud and up in his face really quick and he'll know how bad his behavior has been by how I react.  Unfortunately you had a bystander who didnt know whats was goig on and got scared by the sudden outburst but they will get over it.  Harry and babygirl have gotten over me getting up in their faces several times, but i do it because what they are doing must be stopped immediately before theres any further injury.  The two still play together and greet me at the door when i come home.
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riggaberto
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PostSubject: Re: I'M THE WORST PARENT EVER!!!   Fri Aug 16, 2013 4:20 pm

I'm going through something similar albeit not quite as escalated or dangerous. Chuck (granted, he's 10 weeks) has been lunging at my face and nipping more lately and I correct him pretty sternly for it. It's been a rough couple of days and I feel horrible afterwards and he's not real happy with me either. I'm giving him more cool-off time afterwards because if I stay near him it's too hard for him to resist. It's making it hard to have nice playful time with him but I lavish him with praise when he does...it's tough.

In summary, I too feel like I'm not getting the balance right but from everything I hear it *should* be about right. Painful!

Good luck.
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MelissaI
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PostSubject: Re: I'M THE WORST PARENT EVER!!!   Fri Aug 16, 2013 4:50 pm

It's a normal reaction. You don't have time to stop and think. You just do what you have to do. I know how you feel. I've had to yell LOUD, grab Asia, and pull her way from Mya when they're had they're "moments". She goes straight in her crate, ears down, all submissive and scared. She's back to normal within a few hours or the next day. Your bond is not broken, at all! They just freaked out.
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Bella_Jasper
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PostSubject: Re: I'M THE WORST PARENT EVER!!!   Fri Aug 16, 2013 9:51 pm

Dont feel too bad it was the heat of the moment and nothing else could really have been done. Sheba will forgive you eventually and hopefully she learned a lesson. Ares knew you were heated and knew to get out of the way. I've yelled damn near screamed at my two on more then one occasion when Bella decided it was a good idea to attack Jasper and unfortunately I one upped you , I'll admit with one of their 3am fights I threw their toy at them to try seperating them to grab them apart. I fel bad since they both got clocked but it got them seperated enough for me to grab their collars and put one away so I could do checks. Be glad sheba backed off Bella will not bite me but continues to lunge at Jasper snarling like crazy until I completely seperate her for a while. They'll all get over it and you'll go back to your peaceful house. Like someone mentioned growling snarling biting is what dogs do, the human equivalent is to yell seperate etc. I've swatted Bella away a few times to distract her and she still loves me, my nephew insists onstepping on Jaspers paws and he still loves fred.
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CavingSiberian
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PostSubject: Re: I'M THE WORST PARENT EVER!!!   Sat Aug 17, 2013 2:33 pm

*hug* Kelsey, it's ok. It was a reaction in the moment. I'm sure you feel terrible about it but in the end they all know you are a loving and caring hu-mom
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Sheba&Kennedy
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PostSubject: Re: I'M THE WORST PARENT EVER!!!   Sat Aug 17, 2013 3:31 pm

Thanks for your reassurances everyone!! After sulking in her kennel for a good 30 minutes, she came out and was a huge suck up to me lol. I guess what REALLY bothered me was Ares' reaction. Made me feel like I beat the crap out of them all the time and Ares was just WAITING for it to happen Sad. I had to just leave him be and he came out on his own. Then he laid on the bed and passed out. So I guess everyone was fine??

I figured out why Sheba has been extra bitchy lately...she started her heat yesterday!! BWAH. I'm kind of stressing out. Luna isn't fixed either, and everyone knows that bitches can start other bitches cycles... EEK!! I have been trying relentlessly to get Luna a spay appointment, but EVERYBODY is full!!! The soonest I have an appointment is the middle of September!

But really guys, thank you for the reassurance Smile. I really appreciate it! I have been working on training with Sheba and Luna TOGETHER and it has been really helpful so far. Working on them doing just general obedience together, and they always walk on the same side as each other. It's very odd to me that Sheba likes Luna better then she liked Ares when he first got here. Anybody know why that would be? Especially because Sheba is an alpha bitch and Luna is a female as well??
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eddycaaa
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PostSubject: Re: I'M THE WORST PARENT EVER!!!   Sat Aug 17, 2013 3:49 pm

I'm glad everyone is okay! I have no experience owning mutliple dogs of different sexes so I have no idea why Sheba took to Luna quicker. It might be because she grew up with female dog?

Just out of curiosity, when did Sheba have her first heat?
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Sheba&Kennedy
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PostSubject: Re: I'M THE WORST PARENT EVER!!!   Sat Aug 17, 2013 4:00 pm

Sheba's first heat was on her 8 month birthday to the T. It caught me way off guard as well. The couple days before hand she was licking herself a lot, and just acting very strange. Then on her birthday there were blood droplets on the carpet and I was like OMG!. I kept her in boys briefs and a pad for the first three days, but she bled so little and kept herself so clean I didn't even bother. I'm not bothering this time either as she is very, very clean.

I figured that may be it as well, and I was thinking about their personalities as well. Ares is VERY sensitive and VERY emotional and very submissive. Luna is sensitive as well, but she doesn't take Sheba's crap as often and she does on occasion fight back. Dogs are so strange LOL.
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eddycaaa
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PostSubject: Re: I'M THE WORST PARENT EVER!!!   Sat Aug 17, 2013 4:19 pm

Sheba&Kennedy wrote:
Sheba's first heat was on her 8 month birthday to the T. It caught me way off guard as well. The couple days before hand she was licking herself a lot, and just acting very strange. Then on her birthday there were blood droplets on the carpet and I was like OMG!. I kept her in boys briefs and a pad for the first three days, but she bled so little and kept herself so clean I didn't even bother. I'm not bothering this time either as she is very, very clean.
I hope Anya's will be that easy. I will happy if she doesn't go into season until she's 8 months!
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