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 Taming the Dragon: Calming your loved one after their things have been chewed up

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TwisterII
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Senior
TwisterII

Female Join date : 2013-06-14
Location : Missouri

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PostSubject: Taming the Dragon: Calming your loved one after their things have been chewed up   loved - Taming the Dragon: Calming your loved one after their things have been chewed up EmptyMon Sep 30, 2013 5:36 pm

Kenzi for the most part doesn't chew on major things. Plastic tupperwear and newspapers are a given, but we husky proof the house. She has toys that we rotate, she gets tons of exercise, and we work on new tricks everyday, but it seems when she chews it's always something of my husbands. No one likes having their stuff chewed up, but since he has some resentment toward Kenzi it really sets him off when she chews his stuff instead of mine. I don't know if she does this on purpose because she knows he resents her or if that's just how the cookie crumbles because his stuff just happens to not get stashed as well as mine. How do the rest of you keep your, or a loved one's, temper in check when your husky has been a bad furbaby. Her sweet face melts me when she's been bad, but it doesn't work for my husband so well. Her husky charms are not his cup of tea and he can get a little overboard in the discipline department.

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loved - Taming the Dragon: Calming your loved one after their things have been chewed up Huskyf10
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techigirl78
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techigirl78

Female Join date : 2013-06-26
Location : Wisconsin

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PostSubject: Re: Taming the Dragon: Calming your loved one after their things have been chewed up   loved - Taming the Dragon: Calming your loved one after their things have been chewed up EmptyMon Sep 30, 2013 7:20 pm

Try to pick up after him, sad option but true. I don't know how many shoes I pick up a day. I would also try to talk to him about maybe trying to help ensure the house is husky proof for at least a few years particularly with anything really valuable to him. Let him you you understand that it bothers him, but prevention is largely the key. Luckily my fiance' and teenager admit when it is their mistake, like when he left the mower out and Loki got the pull string or when she left the lipstick out.

I have a issue that is similar. For years, the only things my cats peed on have been my fiance's things. It can only happen once a year or every other year and he remembers it like yesterday. But he insists that the cats must hate him as they have not done anything to any of my stuff in years. This will not go well for me if I every want another cat therefore I'm secretly investigating how much shibas really do act like cats. He for some reason will forgive the dogs for almost anything they do. In these cases, I usually volunteer to replace the item with my own spending money since we don't share our spending money.
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ljelgin
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ljelgin

Female Join date : 2012-01-29
Location : Broken Arrow, OK

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PostSubject: Re: Taming the Dragon: Calming your loved one after their things have been chewed up   loved - Taming the Dragon: Calming your loved one after their things have been chewed up EmptyMon Sep 30, 2013 7:38 pm

I feel for you I have no suggestions.. One of my huskies chew my socks if they are left out not my hubby's. The other one we got after candles if left out at her level. Other than that we don't have alot problems with them chewing up things. I agree maybe just pick up after you hubby is the only thing that will work.
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TwisterII
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TwisterII

Female Join date : 2013-06-14
Location : Missouri

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PostSubject: Re: Taming the Dragon: Calming your loved one after their things have been chewed up   loved - Taming the Dragon: Calming your loved one after their things have been chewed up EmptyMon Sep 30, 2013 8:36 pm

I usually do pick up after him and most of the time he picks up after himself. Having her has made him a far cleaner person but some days he just gets so frustrated that he has to hide his stuff in his own house it doesn't get put as high as it usually does and then she may or may not get into it. She can go weeks without touching something then one day out of the blue she tears it to bits. She just has horrible timing right now since me and hubs have been having trouble anyway and she pushes him that much farther and then he's on the war path against me since I defend her. She fits my lifestyle and personality, but she doesn't fit his and keeping peace between the two of them when me and him can hardly keep peace between us makes for some flared tempers.

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loved - Taming the Dragon: Calming your loved one after their things have been chewed up Huskyf10
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techigirl78
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Adult
techigirl78

Female Join date : 2013-06-26
Location : Wisconsin

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PostSubject: Re: Taming the Dragon: Calming your loved one after their things have been chewed up   loved - Taming the Dragon: Calming your loved one after their things have been chewed up EmptyMon Sep 30, 2013 9:52 pm

That definitely makes it way harder. When we were having issues, I remember the cats got brought up all the time and it got way better once we fixed our issues. What helped when times were bad was having areas of the house that were off limits to the cats and moreso dedicated to his stuff and he could keep it as he saw fit. Not sure if he has some rooms that can be just his where you can gate it off or make sure to keep the doors shut. Then, he may feel not all of his space is invaded.
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capellalayla
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capellalayla

Female Join date : 2013-09-24
Location : Billerica, Mass.

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PostSubject: Re: Taming the Dragon: Calming your loved one after their things have been chewed up   loved - Taming the Dragon: Calming your loved one after their things have been chewed up EmptyTue Oct 01, 2013 9:30 am

I feel like he needs to understand that this is the trade-off of having a dog. He may not like hiding his things in his own house and may resent the dog for it, but that is the responsibility that comes with owning and caring for a pet, whether he likes it or not. Heaven forbid something small is left out and Kenzi swallows it and gets hurt. Maybe make it about you -- if he picks up and goes a little lighter on the discipline with Kenzi, it will ultimately make Kenzi safer and make YOU happier, therefore fostering a better relationship with you -- AND Kenzi. Smile
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wpskier222
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wpskier222

Female Join date : 2013-02-11
Location : NYC

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PostSubject: Re: Taming the Dragon: Calming your loved one after their things have been chewed up   loved - Taming the Dragon: Calming your loved one after their things have been chewed up EmptyTue Oct 01, 2013 10:44 am

Yeah, whenever my hubby and I fight about the dog (mine) or the cats (his) its usually not about the dog, the dog is the spark. I think at first it was just such a big change (and lets face it no man likes change), but now that he's adjusted, normally there is something more bothering him and the dog getting into trouble or leaving hair everywhere, gives him an 'in' to discuss it. Honestly though, Dizzy is in his crate when we're gone, and has never destroyed anything of my hubby's. I also have a section of the apartment gated off so that if hubs needs a break or Dizzy needs a timeout, we can put him in his area. When I'm home, Diz is pretty much never out of my sight, and I can read his mind, so when he starts thinking about getting into trouble, I correct him before it happens. I can see those wheels turning. So part of it is not giving her the opportunity to mess up. In our situation, I was the one begging/pushing for a dog, so if I have to pick up his shoes, I really don't care. I'm sure your hubby logically knows she's a dog, and its his responsibility to deal with the fact that she will chew things up, or do silly dog things on occasion. To me it sounds like he's just disillusioned and bummed that the picture he had in his mind of having a husky isn't the reality and he's not handling the bubble burst very well.

I think having a space where Kenzi is not allowed is a great idea. Even though our place is an open studio apartment, my hubby has his own space where Dizzy is not allowed, and it was fairly easy to train him to stay out of that area.

Also, as silly as this might sound, I would start doing some special small things for your hubby (make his lunch, bring him home his favorite candy bar or beer, take him out, say thanks, give him a hug), he might be feeling neglected or jealous (yeah, I know, who's jealous of a dog, but you have to remember how much we LOVE on our dogs, and how that might look to our significant others lol, I have to remember that my hubs likes to cuddle too lol). Our only major fight about Dizzy happened about a month after we brought him home and Diz was still in the wild animal puppy phase and I was pretty ragged from lack of sleep and frustrated with being bitten all the time, so I was pretty much ignoring my hubs. When the fight happened, I told my hubby that our marriage was the most important thing to me, and that I "would do what I have to do." The implication was that I would return Dizzy to the breeder if he thought it wasn't going to work. In all honestly, I really don't think I could have or would have actually done that, but the fact that I showed him I was willing to do something that radical to consider his needs and happiness, softened his attitude toward Dizzy (I also know him well enough, that he wouldn't ask me to do that unless it really was a threat to our marriage). It also helps that Dizzy worships the ground he walks on. Seriously. Damn dog lol. If I wait on the stoop with Diz for hubs to come home, Diz freaks out when he pulls up in the car. Ears back, tail going, talking up a storm, jumping up and love biting, and giving him hell for leaving. You'd think he hadn't seen him for weeks!

In terms of discipline, maybe ask him if you can take over her 'training' and come up with a plan to work on her issues that you can share with him, and that you will discipline her when its needed. I forget, is she crate trained? I think I remember her having some anxiety issues with the crate. If you can't crate her, is there any way you could leave her in a room with less stuff to get into? Like a spare bedroom, or the kitchen/bathroom/laundry room? Then you can just make sure to clear his stuff out of there before you leave.

I agree with Liz that it's part of dog ownership, but I also can see from your hubby's point of view. I'm not sure if your hubby has had a husky before, but I think most people aren't really used to their aloof nature/personalities, and feel like they aren't really getting what they want out of having a dog. It sounds like your hubby is used to the more lab/sporting dog type of relationship where he is the dogs sun, stars, and moon. He may just feel like Kenzi isn't worth the trouble and isn't affectionate enough to put up with. One thing I disagree with Liz about, is making it about you, I think that would just make him more frustrated. I have a feeling he's coming from a place of "what about me?" and making it about making you happier will make him feel worse.

I've been with my hubby for 8 years now, and married for 4, and the one thing I can say above all is that if he is stubborn, you have to give a little. Normally, when he sees me willing to give, he opens up and is willing to give back. Anyway, sorry for the novel, but hopefully it helps. I'm sure he'll come around eventually. Smile
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TwisterII
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TwisterII

Female Join date : 2013-06-14
Location : Missouri

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PostSubject: Re: Taming the Dragon: Calming your loved one after their things have been chewed up   loved - Taming the Dragon: Calming your loved one after their things have been chewed up EmptyTue Oct 01, 2013 11:21 am

"What about me?" is exactly it for him right now. Things haven't been going his way in work, cars, or much of anything else and her acting out is a trigger and a sidelong into deeper issues that we have concerning the fact that things have been working well for me in all the areas that they haven't for him. Currently we live in a small house so having his own space is basically him walking out to an over stuffed garage that only reminds him that he has terrible luck with cars. It's an open concept place so Kenzi is kept in the kitchen/living/dining area and we close off the bedrooms and bathroom and usually keep our things inside those rooms unless he's having an episode where moving things in the morning seems too much trouble. We have been house hunting and when we move he will have his space, though as volatile as things have been lately I'm not confident buying a house together is a good idea. She isn't his old dog (beagle mix) and there is where his resentment comes from. When things didn't work out between the two canines his old dog went to live with his parents and he blames Kenzi for it and holds it against me for not just rehoming Kenzi. If he had his way he would get rid of Kenzi today. Now he's convinced that she must learn to be a "real" dog and thinks that she should live outside from now on. She does have crate anxiety but I would rather take time off work to crate train her than her be left out since we only have a 4ft wire fence and we've had theft issues. It's been an uphill battle for weeks now and every chance he gets it spills over to the fact that I got to keep Kenzi and he had to give his dog up. On the flip side I too have a childhood dog that lives with my parents, but that's somehow different. It's all a rant, I know. The solutions must come from us working through things but when I hear "you love the dog more than me" multiple times a day it's hard not to say, because she whines less, and walk out.

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cinnamonbits
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Adult
cinnamonbits

Female Join date : 2012-11-03
Location : San Antonio, TX

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PostSubject: Re: Taming the Dragon: Calming your loved one after their things have been chewed up   loved - Taming the Dragon: Calming your loved one after their things have been chewed up EmptyTue Oct 01, 2013 11:49 am

Quote :
but when I hear "you love the dog more than me" multiple times a day it's hard not to say, because she whines less, and walk out.
I hear this too but differently (for me its "she loves you more than me"). He is feeling hurt and I think maybe the two of you need some time to work on you. I know you want to spend time with Kenzi and hang out with her, but maybe you need to set aside a time at night for just the two of you. Whether that means Kenzi goes to bed a little bit early or what, he needs that. He resents her because he had to give up his old dog and I can understand that. Not only does he not have his dog, but she prefers you over him, which just makes the resentment worse. Its not Kenzi's fault but that's how he's feeling and he doesn't know how else to tell you how he's feeling except to say things like that. He's trying to communicate his frustration but not in a way that's helpful at all. I have to pick up after my hubby all the time and when Karli gets someting of his, he's not allowed to punish her, because he left it at Karli's level. Anything that is where she can reach it is fair game and he knows this. You can't discipline a dog for you not picking up your stuff. I do think having his own room would help him, maybe offer to clean out the garage for him so he has a "man cave"? This way it shows you do care about how he feels. I really don't know, Karli fits my hubby's personality really well, probably better than mine lol.
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capellalayla
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capellalayla

Female Join date : 2013-09-24
Location : Billerica, Mass.

loved - Taming the Dragon: Calming your loved one after their things have been chewed up Empty
PostSubject: Re: Taming the Dragon: Calming your loved one after their things have been chewed up   loved - Taming the Dragon: Calming your loved one after their things have been chewed up EmptyTue Oct 01, 2013 1:03 pm

I think Jen and Roxy have it spot on. When I said "make it more about you" I meant more about the relationship than about Jenn herself. I don't think this should mean doing everything for your S.O. just to make them happier, but I do agree maybe he feels like he isn't as much of a priority and he's taking it out on the dog. My husband gets this way, too, which kind of worries me now that we're getting a dog in a couple weeks, but as long as you keep an adequate balance that can work for everyone, it'll be OK.
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TwisterII
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TwisterII

Female Join date : 2013-06-14
Location : Missouri

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PostSubject: Re: Taming the Dragon: Calming your loved one after their things have been chewed up   loved - Taming the Dragon: Calming your loved one after their things have been chewed up EmptyTue Oct 01, 2013 5:16 pm

I will work on us time. Kenzi is usually outside in the evenings since I exercise her before he gets home so she's calm while he tries to eat and watch tv.

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GeorginaMay
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GeorginaMay

Female Join date : 2013-04-08
Location : New Zealand

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PostSubject: Re: Taming the Dragon: Calming your loved one after their things have been chewed up   loved - Taming the Dragon: Calming your loved one after their things have been chewed up EmptyWed Oct 02, 2013 5:08 am

As you know I've had my own issues between my partner and my dog, and while it is definitely still a slow work in progress things have gotten better, especially since took the advice given to me here and invested some more effort into my relationship. I admit it wasn't easy because things weren't great so I really had to swallow my pride and put aside my defensive attitude in regards to Orion (both incredibly hard things for me to do! I have a bit of an attitude...) but like they say - short term pain long term gain. By putting in the extra effort to be both "loving puppy mommy" and "supportive partner" I know long term I will have my heart dog and my significant other - maybe one day they might even love each other too! Razz 

I found it far to easy to focus solely on Orion and I'm sure you are the same with Kenzi after all she is your furbaby, but men are funny creatures and they need a lot more from us than they are willing to straight up admit! If he is having a hard time in other area's of his life chances are he does need you and your support a little more right now and rather than ask for it it's probably easier to just pick fights, and if Kenzi is a sore spot between you then she'll become a scapegoat. Whether he will actively acknowledge it or not (even to himself) Jealousy of Kenzi or even you for doing better than him at the moment could be a very real possibility and he may just be trying to bring you both down a peg to where he feels he is - although I doubt this would be on purpose! Perhaps a little bit of extra effort not just to make him feel more loved but also more of an equal wouldn't go astray?

Whatever you decide is the answer I really hope it works for you! Good Luck!

Good luck!
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