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 going to get flamed but I need to know

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john johnson
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Join date : 2014-10-18

PostSubject: going to get flamed but I need to know   Sat Oct 18, 2014 9:07 pm

Idc if I get flamed but I need to know. I have a 5 1/2 month old husky girl daisy. I beat her... 4 different times due to frustration with life and also pooping in the house. I feel so awful. I know it does not make it okay. Last one I did I freaked uot and tears came and she wandered voer I think she cpuld tell I was upset. She luvs me cause she is glued to me everywhere. She sometimes gets scared if I raise my voice. Slpwly she is becoming more okay with me. But still she is scared spmetimes. Will she ever be okay? Did I do permanent damage? It's been currently 3 weeks simce I last last laid a hand on her. Did I mess up bad?
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aljones
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PostSubject: Re: going to get flamed but I need to know   Sat Oct 18, 2014 9:56 pm

John you sound as if you think you need to be flamed, as if we should tell you how wrong you were when you hit her --- but from what you wrote, I don't think we have to, I think you already know.

If I can get away with this, "Life sucks!!" and sometimes our best friend becomes our worst irritant and we don't know how to handle all the "stuff" that's coming down hill, so we lash out at the people (and pets) that are convenient.

Does she have the right to feel scared of you, yeh, probably so. I can set here and say that there's never any good reason to hit a dog - but then I haven't been in your position and I don't know what was going through your head. After my dog bit me the last time, I was seriously thinking it was time to take my girl for a walk on the desert and put a round through her skull. Was I frustrated, was I angry - you better believe it. But tonight she's running back and forth playing with my other dog and coming over to check on me from time to time ... I would have so hated myself. I imagine that you don't feel too good about yourself right about now, either.

Short story time, I had a black Lab many years ago. Brought her home from the "shelter" and it didn't take me long to realize that she'd been kicked, probably badly, probably repeatedly. I couldn't set down and move my feet without her taking off for parts unknown. It literally took a couple of years, but then I was stepping over her and using her as a footstool ('course she got a belly rub out of that too).

Short of physical damage, there are few things in dog-dom that are permanent. Will she be scared of you for a while, probably - you have given her reason to. If you need help - suggestions about how to help you and her with her house training, just ask.

Did you mess up bad - well, I never heard of anyone messing up good, so yeh that's pretty bad. But if you really care for her, and I think you do otherwise you wouldn't be here, try to come up with an alternative ...

But please, for all of us, for yourself and for a dog who loves you, please don't come back and say you beat her again.
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TwisterII
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Female Join date : 2013-06-14
Location : Missouri

PostSubject: Re: going to get flamed but I need to know   Sat Oct 18, 2014 10:34 pm

Dogs are the most forgiving creatures on earth and if you are sorry and you care and are willing to treat her better and make amends she will come around. It won't be instantly, can you blame her, but you can earn her trust again. Just gotta stop, take a deep breath, and remind yourself that hitting her don't change a thing that's happened if you feel the urge to take life out on her again.

We've all felt the frustration and urge to get at whatever is close. Sometimes we make bad decisions in the heat of the moment. I made my own just last night. We tried to add a puppy to the family and my girl tried to attack it. It wasn't Kenzi's fault we tried to bring that puppy into her territory. It wasn't the puppys fault either, but when Kenzi lunged teeth open and growling at that 11 weak old pup in my husband's arms it was Kenzi that got kicked and then smacked until she snapped out of her rage enough to stop her attack. I hated hitting her. It broke my heart and confused her because it's like she doesn't know what's happening when she goes after a dog then suddenly she wakes up to mama hitting her. At the time it was the only option I felt I had though after I know it wasn't. We just have to work toward making up for our mistakes and refuse to repeat them.

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Hughie
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Join date : 2013-04-17
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PostSubject: Re: going to get flamed but I need to know   Sun Oct 19, 2014 1:01 pm

Maybe try a little therapy. A professional could help you find some better releases for frustration and sometimes even help to steer clear of it all together. This is nothing to be embarrassed about, the world is ten times bigger, more confusing, and way more messed up then it was years ago. It only stands to reason every day life can put a strain on your emotions and push you to the brink. Your dog should be part of your reward for surviving another day not another adversary. Again, get some help and then work on your mental self, with a little time better days can be just around the corner.
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AnyaLuv
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Join date : 2013-05-18

PostSubject: Re: going to get flamed but I need to know   Sun Oct 19, 2014 1:06 pm

You beat a puppy. Not once, but 4 times.

I won't flame you, but I will say you need to rehome your pup. If you get so frustrated with life you beat your dog, you need help, and therapy. It will take time, and your pup shouldn't be in danger while you work on your recovery.
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trbomax
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Male Join date : 2014-08-28
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PostSubject: Re: going to get flamed but I need to know   Sun Oct 19, 2014 8:52 pm

Anyone who beats a puppy has serious mental stability issues.Rehome the dog now ,even if it means giving it up to a shelter.If you are anywhere close to me ,I'll even take her.Then get some professional help.It is a proven fact that people that abuse or mistreat animals eventually will move on to humans. Please get some help.
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aljones
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Location : Terlingua, Texas

PostSubject: Re: going to get flamed but I need to know   Sun Oct 19, 2014 11:43 pm

Guys (and gals) this whole thread has been a major disappointment to me.

John came here because he's hurting and as a result, he's also hurting his pup. Can't say that either of those make *me* feel particularly good. But what hurts me even worse is that no one - me included - asked what was going on in his life that stressed him to the point of hitting the one 'person' who will give him unconditional love. Even when he thinks he doesn't deserve it.

From my initial response and Jeffs, this thread has gone down hill drastically - I'd just like to ask you to back up and think how you'd feel if you got the responses that he's been given. That he's under stress is a given. We all screw up at times with our dogs, I know I have; if *you* haven't I'm sure you can find an application for sainthood online somewhere.
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seattlesibe
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PostSubject: Re: going to get flamed but I need to know   Sun Oct 19, 2014 11:55 pm

What's been so disappointing or down hill beyond suggestions of therapy and rehoming---not asking for the emotional context in which he beats his puppy?

That is precisely what a therapist would be paid for and not really the responsibility of complete electronic strangers on a forum about dogs.
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aljones
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PostSubject: Re: going to get flamed but I need to know   Mon Oct 20, 2014 12:43 am

Jeff, Reading emotion into a text message is shaky at best. Discretion being the better part I'm going to bow out of this thread. I'd like to think that we're friends, not strangers.
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wpskier222
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PostSubject: Re: going to get flamed but I need to know   Mon Oct 20, 2014 8:56 am

The best advice I've ever gotten in relation to my dog, if your jaw is clenching, or you're grinding your teeth, or balling your fists, put your dog in a safe place (crate, yard, puppy proofed area) and take a walk by yourself. Give yourself a break and keep your dog safe by walking away from the situation for a while. It's never okay to use violence with your dog.
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wpskier222
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PostSubject: Re: going to get flamed but I need to know   Mon Oct 20, 2014 9:08 am

Oh, and I'd also suggest therapy. It can be very helpful not only in dealing with anxiety and stress, but also uncovering the source(s) of your pain and anger. Obviously, I'm a little late with the reply, but I hope you check back for replies. To me it seems like something deeper within you causing you to lash out. I'm not claiming to know you or anything, but I have gone through some things myself and in my experience, that anger doesn't come from stress alone. Stress and frustration are the sparks, but the powder keg was already full. Feel free to pm me if you want and I hope things get better for you. Just remember to take a break when you feel your frustration building. It's not her fault, it's never her fault. Her only intention is to love you, knowing that can help you when you go through hard times.
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AnyaLuv
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Join date : 2013-05-18

PostSubject: Re: going to get flamed but I need to know   Mon Oct 20, 2014 9:28 am

There is never a good reason to beat a dog. None. Its inexcusable.

And to beat a puppy, not once, but 4 times, speaks to a much larger emotional/mental issue.

Rehoming the dog while the OP gets much needed help is the responsible thing to do for everyone's sake.

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wpskier222
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Location : NYC

PostSubject: Re: going to get flamed but I need to know   Mon Oct 20, 2014 9:45 am

Also, keep in mind, we learn how to deal with our anger and our frustration from our parents, or parental figures. So, although you are an adult now, you are still following their example (whatever that might be). Practically, I'd suggest journaling. It's a way to get some of those emotions out without any harm to anyone. You can tear them into tiny pieces, or burn them in the fireplace if you're worried about someone discovering them, but its a healthy way to get some relief if you are not in a position to get therapy.

I really feel for you, because my sense is that you are really hurting, but don't know how or where to find support and help. You are not alone, and although you did get some flames, in general this is a pretty supportive community for husky owners, and even for some other issues. For training things (like pooping on the floor) have a peek around, or post topics asking questions. I seem to remember a thread about anxiety going around a while back. I have struggled with the pain of deep depression, anxiety, ADHD, and the fallout from all of those issues. I grew up watching my dad beat our golden retriever for not coming when called, and for fighting with the neighborhood dogs. That dog bit me, bit my mom, and bit my brother, but as he grew older we learned that his aggression was our fault. We changed how we interacted with him, and the the last 10 years of his life were much better than the first couple of years. I'm ashamed of how we treated him, and so is my dad, we all still feel shame and guilt. We learned, we grew, we got better and now our pets are much better and happier.

My point is, there is a LOT behind you losing your temper and beating your dog. You're at an age where there is a ton of pressure and change, and you don't have the life experience to deal with it yet. It sucks. And it sucks figuring out what's causing the ache and pain inside you, but better now than when you're older. If you start to deal with it now, you can get your head clear and that will be extremely helpful when the stress gets too intense. Also, yes, you can repair the damage done with your dog. I always say that my first husky saved my life when I was 15 and I went through some rough times with her. Just know that once you start to deal with these issues, and stop hurting her, she will be so tightly bonded to you it hurts. Tasha was my heart dog because of what she taught me, and what she got me through. I still miss her and I still feel an ache when I think of her. She passed away a year ago at 16 years old. I still feel a thread from my heart to hers.

I'm going to send you a pm as well, but just want to say some of this publicly because I want you to know you aren't a horrible person, you aren't alone, and things aren't as simple or black and white as many assume. wave

~Hugs, bites, and woos from Jen & Diz
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wpskier222
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PostSubject: Re: going to get flamed but I need to know   Mon Oct 20, 2014 9:52 am

Anyaluv, I think you've made it clear how you feel, and I think it might be time for a mod to shut this thread down.

The OP came looking for help, and expecting to be yelled at. Let's rise above the common 'internet' keyboard courage holier than thou syndrome and actually offer some compassion and advice. Judgement and redundant restatement of a black and white opinion is not helpful.
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AnyaLuv
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Join date : 2013-05-18

PostSubject: Re: going to get flamed but I need to know   Mon Oct 20, 2014 10:12 am

I apologize if I came off cold or judgey- not my intention. Nowhere did I say the OP was a horrible person. Life is difficult, and stress, anger issues, and mental illness are extremely difficult to work through. I do hope the OP gets the help he needs.

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arooroomom
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Female Join date : 2009-12-13
Location : South Fl

PostSubject: Re: going to get flamed but I need to know   Mon Oct 20, 2014 11:59 am

I think we all need to step back and relax.


The OP has done what he has done- and I think they need to clearly think about their point in their own life and see if having a dog, let alone a Siberian puppy, is a good idea at the moment.


Please don't make me check up on this thread all day.

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MiyasMomma
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PostSubject: Re: going to get flamed but I need to know   Mon Oct 20, 2014 1:28 pm

Jen(Dizzy) thank you for coming on here and expressing what you did. I wanted to post, but by the time I could this thread was heading down a path that other members were going to be flamed too. Indeed this community is a supportive one, the op was asking for help in dealing with his situation, no one thought to ask if maybe he got the puppy as therapy and then did not know how to deal with a husky puppy. Husky puppies can be very assertive and aggressive, even in the perfect home, like Jen said, I would put her in puppy time out and walked away, some people do not know how to properly cope with this type of situation and escalate the problem by hitting, because they know nothing different in handling a difficult, frustrating puppy. My advice beyond writing a journal, or therapy for the op, is to get a professional trainer to help in dealing with difficult pup and how to properly care for a puppy. The op already knew it was not ok to hit a puppy/dog, he was asking how to deal with not doing it again. Having him get rid of the puppy does not help with his problem, puppy's are to give us comfort and companionship, why would we want him to miss out on a loving relationship? When he needs to learn how to handle his anger issues.
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arooroomom
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PostSubject: Re: going to get flamed but I need to know   Mon Oct 20, 2014 2:01 pm

Which is why he needs to ask himself if at this point in his life a demanding Siberian puppy is indeed a good idea...

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Smokey
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Join date : 2013-03-27

PostSubject: Re: going to get flamed but I need to know   Mon Oct 20, 2014 3:49 pm

John,

I don't come here often but felt compelled to respond.

If I may ask you, what angered/overwhelmed you so much? Do you behave this way toward humans as well? Do you love Daisy? Do you feel that beating her helped her (or you)? How fetal was the beating (i.e. any limping, any bleeding, any crying on the dog's behalf etc) and did you use an object?

I want to reach out to you so PM if these questions are too difficult to answer because I feel I need some context.

I realize you are perseverating on this situation...We can help you and I'm glad you reached out to us. Please continue to do so.

Hang in there my friend...

I look forward to your response.
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Dot
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PostSubject: Re: going to get flamed but I need to know   Mon Oct 20, 2014 7:37 pm

I rarely come to the forum these days, and I usually avoid threads that get tense, but here I am I guess.

I know a man that used to beat his dog. It wasn't the dog's fault, it was family stress and work stress. He knew it was wrong, and his inability to control himself just added to the problem. Feeling terrible about what you've done may not necessarily curb the habit, it might just make it worse- as was the case with this individual. The guilt just added to the piles of life shit he was dealing with, it made him more explosive. So, while I understand that you obviously feel terrible, that does not justify having this puppy. We can't just say, 'oh, he feels bad, and that shows he can still try to make this puppy thing work.' I doesn't. I'm not saying that you can't make it work- that is a decision for someone with more context. Someone in your own life that could perhaps provide insight. Or a therapist.

Am I making sense here? I don't think you're a bad person, please don't take my comments in a negative way. I'm not telling you what is right for you, but it is something to think about. The dog Ā developed a nasty habit of biting people and kids- no big surprise there. He was eventually put down.

Anyway, after getting some professional help, he now has the sweetest, most spoiled little ball of fluff. But the first dog never deserved to be in that situation.

Just a story to think about. You sound like you could be a wonderful dog owner, but is now the right time?

Aaaand, back to the shadows I go.
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