I'm writing in off topic because while this is about a dog, it's not about my wonderful Husky. I might be a little hasty in writing this, because I'm still livid (and under the influence of pain medication), but I hate Lulu. I really hate that dog, but I've been pretending like I don't because it would be cruel to make Aaron get rid of her. She just peed on my brand new, $1000 microfiber sofa. And it's his fault, and suddenly I'm the bad guy for yelling at him for it. Background, she's a submissive peer. Most of the time, unless you know her signals, you can't pet her without her making a puddle on the floor. Sometimes if you just speak harshly she pees. I was on the couch with a cat in my lap and Ghost stretched out next to me, and Lulu hopped up to curl up with us. It was cute, and Aaron grabbed a camera but Lulu jumped down before he could take a picture. He went over to tell her to get back up there, but she tucked her tail and hopped up on an easy chair. Bigtime I'm going to pee signal. So what does he do? He goes over to the chair and after I told him "she's going to pee if you do that", picks up the dog and puts her on the couch. The damn dog was a water fountain from the chair all the way to my couch. I yelled at him for making her do that and he got all pissy like it wasn't his fault, and likened it to my cat puking on stuff (can't control that), or my other cat peeing on piles of clothes (if I leave them out, it's my fault because I know he does it). Now he's not talking to me and he's hiding in his office. Real mature (granted this little rant probably isn't either).

This dog pees, she's really nasty to all other dogs, we can't take her to a dog park without her starting something, she smells, has bad breath, and foul disgusting eye boogers that she wipes all over us and the furniture. From what I understand, those are all very common issues with Cockers. Why would anyone in their right mind own a dog like that? She may be kind of cute, but my God the dog is horrible. Cocker Spaniels are the worst dogs ever.

Have any of you dealt with a submissive peer before, or have any advice? Every inch of my being wants me to make him get rid of her, but I'm not going to do it because he really does love her and I can't do that to him, and we both know she'd be rehomed a couple times and then put down because of her issues. I can't live with that...

I'm still mad at both of them though

My parents had a cocker/springer mix and I've met a few. The eye goobers thing is definitely normal. The bad breath I'm not sure about and I know that they got ours regularly groomed so he didn't smell.

However, submissive peeing is a training thing. Step up the NILIF training a TON. Give her clear boundaries. That's a sign (and her dog "aggression"- using the term lightly) of a VERY insecure dog. It may not have anything to do with you personally, could just be her personality, but that IS something that you can work to correct. She needs to know her place in the pack. Feeding should be super structured (I'd feed in her crate). Everything you do should reinforce her place in the pack. The peeing should subside the more confident she feels.

Just the obligatory note in here too to make sure that she's been to the vet to have that checked out. My sister's dog is a submissive peer, but it was also a bit of incontinence. Does Lulu lick the area a lot? Does she not always know when she's peeing? If the answer to those questions are yes, then she might have a medical issue that can be corrected with medication.

Sorry things are so frustrating right now And I agree that Aaron could have prevented the issue, but he's getting defensive over the dog he loves. He's making excuses for her and himself because he probably knows without you having to say anything that you would like nothing more than for Lulu to disappear. Even the most mature person would have a hard time maintaining their cool if they knew their spouse wanted to get rid of their heart dog. So take it easy on him and I wish you both the best.

Breathe girl, breathe..lol. I agree with Tori, you need to work on the whole peeing situation, but as for the boogers and smelly breath...that's not her fault. Poor girl. Has Aaron taken her to the vet to get those things checked out? Maybe there's something that they can give her for the eye boogers and maybe do a teeth cleaning or something? I personally have never met a cocker before, but I have heard that they're very temperamental.

As for Aaron not speaking to you, Ivan does this all the time. Just let him cool off and then talk about it. I'm sorry that you're dealing with this on top of the fact that you're recovering.

I hope it gets better!

Every cocker I've ever met was an excited pee'r. And the majority of them were temperamental and not nice towards children. I have met some that are nice, but still pee at the drop of a hat. My Shania (husky) had issues with marking her territory at my mother's house so we would put "granny panties" on her. Maybe that would be an option. FYI Poise pads are more absorbent then the ones you buy for dogs....though they might be big for a cocker though.

Lulu hasn't really been around kids much, so I hope that doesn't become an issue when we start having kids in a couple of years. She's bad enough with other dogs, and she has not once played with Ghost in the 4 months we've had her. Quite the opposite actually, when Ghost tries to play, Lulu just charges her snarling and barking and snapping at Ghost's face. That happens every time we go to a dog park too. The night we were there and had trouble with that lady trying to get Caesar kicked out, she charged another dog like that for getting too close to "her" ball and got put in her place. She actually got kind of hurt, but didn't learn a lesson. The peeing thing is very much a Cocker thing. When we first went to our new vet here in FL, the second she walked in she said "ah, you have a Cocker Sprinkler".

Although they may be characteristics of the breed, ALL the issues that you are describing are totally preventable or reversible with training. Just because she's a smaller dog with less energy than a husky doesn't mean that she needs any less training or exposure than a husky.

If she hasn't been around kids, you need to expose her to them.

Lulu growling at Ghost trying to play is also a result her insecurity. She doesn't know her place in the pack and therefore is fearful and intimidated when Ghost tries to play in his very intimidating way (as all huskies do).

Again, just because the peeing thing is a "cocker thing" doesn't mean it has to be a Lulu thing. This is just as much on you as it is on the breed. I'm sorry to say

I would second the advice to try to socialize her with children if you plan to have a family. Having lived through the era of "me and all of my friends are having children", I only vividly remember one family who had to rehome a dog because of the new baby... and that was a Cocker. I don't remember their story now, but I do remember that Cocker being a well-loved member of the family so I don't think they just freaked out about "too many hairs" or "not enough time for the dog" or any of those lame excuses to give up a dog when the baby comes.

I am certainly not a dog whisperer, but I also agree with Tori that the submissive peeing is probably a sign of insecurities. The only times I've ever seen the submissive peeing is when a dog is very insecure or when he is new to the pack (and, again, probably unsure of his place).

So sorry about your couch...

I feel your pain. I can't stand my dads dog. She's about 300% better from before but every inch of her just makes me either irritated annoyed or disgusted. But i've found the more I worked with her (and I use that term lightly) the more I can deal with her when she's over here. I can't promise you'll love lulu but at least it'll be easier to live with her.

FWIW all the Cocker Spaniels at work submissive pee.

Little back story on her, Aaron got her from an ex girlfriend's family. They did the lame, oh there's a baby in the house we can't keep her deal when their 15 year old daughter got pregnant. They got her from a BYB down the street from them and not only flat out didn't socialize her at all, but Aaron also strongly suspects they mistreated her. When he got her at 7 months, he realized how bad she was with other dogs so he never made the effort to socialize her. He's one of those people that just kind of gives up if he thinks something is too hard, which has me banging my head on a wall quite often. But that's another issue... He also decided that he couldn't fix the peeing thing so he's just lived with it for the last 3+ years. As far as people socialization, he rarely had people over before I came along, so having the doorbell ring is still something relatively new and exciting.

I've been all over him to change his ways and start working with her, and I work with her as much as I can too, but he still has it in his mind that "she's not that bad of a dog, but you just need to deal with it". He actually gets mad at Ghost for wanting to play and getting into fights with Lulu instead of trying to correct the problem. I've finally got him realizing how bad of a guarding problem she has and he and I are both working on that. The problem I have right now is I'm mostly immobile so I can't chase after her with a squirt bottle when the doorbell rings and I can't go out and throw a ball or frisbee and work on the guarding problem. I know she needs consistency, the problem is getting Aaron to do it without making him mad too.

Since we have Ghost, we get out a lot more and Lulu comes along most of the time. I insist on getting her out and socializing, even though we know that she's most likely going to start a fight at the dog park. We have several friends with small children around here, and I need to start letting the kids play with her outside where it's ok if she pees all over the place. I'm also going to have Aaron read the guarding threads on here so he knows how to fix that problem. The last thing I want is to have a toddler in the house get bitten for taking a toy.

I appreciate the advice thus far, especially now that I've had a while to cool off and be rational again. And don't worry about being blunt or anything, I actually appreciate bluntness. Do any of you have any advice on how to stop the submission peeing? That's the one area that neither of us really know how to fix. Thanks again ladies!

PS - I somehow missed the first couple posts from Melissa and Tori. The bad breath is a result of her poor dental health. The vet told us over the summer we needed to start brushing her teeth, and I finally got Aaron to start with a dental spray last week. We're already seeing results from that, so hopefully we can avoid expensive dental work in the future. Aaron also took her to the vet a couple years ago worried that the peeing was a medical issue, but it's not. It's all psychological. I know he loves the dog, and even I don't hate her ALL the time All joking aside, I had a friend back in grad school who got engaged and then was forced to give up his dog. He was heartbroken over it, and desperate to find a home he knew would be good. My parents had lost the dog I grew up with a few months before, so they wound up adopting Max. He had some issues too, but they worked a lot with him and he's a total sweetie now. When that happened, I vowed I would never make someone give up a dog like that, and so even though I get really frustrated with Lulu (who's randomly barking her head off at something right now ), I would NEVER make Aaron give her up.

Stepping up the NILIF training should definitely help with the submissive peeing. All her outward signs point to insecurity to me. Insecurity is combated by reassuring her place in the pack (even if it's at the bottom-- all she wants to know is that she has a place). So make her work for everything. Give her consistency in EVERYTHING. Make her sit and wait for food. Feed it in her crate (if she has one). Feed her in the same order as you every day. Make her sit before she goes outside or things like that.

I would also keep all toys hidden. When it's appropriate for her to play with a toy (say after breakfast and outside time) make her sit and GIVE her the toy. When it's time to go outside, take the toy away and give her a different toy when you come back inside. Rotate toys, but make sure it's clear that they ALWAYS come from you. She shouldn't be able to go "find" a toy.

Practice handing her a toy and switching. All these things will not only help with guarding but will help with her insecurity too.

Thanks Tori. We've been doing it some, and I will step it up with her as well as work with Aaron to make him a little more consistent. I will try the toy thing too. Appreciate it!

Good luck!

Willow is a sprinkler too! I think hers is more of excitement, but she also is very submissive with my son. When we first got her, she peed everytime he showed her attention. He would literally just reach down to pet her and she would pee. It was very frustrating. I ended up googling "submissive pee" and got a really good article that I can't seem to find again. Anyway, I had Colton put to practice the things they suggested and I honestly can't remember the last time she peed around him. It seem to work fairly quickly.

Articles tips
-ignore her when she came to him excited
-once she calmed down, bend down slowly to her level and slowly reach out to pet her
-talk to her in a calm and soft voice

There was more advice, but I can't remember them since he really only practiced the above three. He did this for a very short time and it seems to have worked. I'm sure it was so quick because she was just a puppy when we worked on her. Plus she is not lacking in confidence these days!

Thanks Mindy! We've known for a while that you have to let her come to you before you can touch her. If you come up to her and try to pet her, then she pees. If you let her come to you and get on her level it's ok. She can be extraordinarily pushy when she wants attention though, she'll get up in your face and blow her nasty breath all over you, and she doesn't back off when you say no. She also begs mercilessly. She knows better than to take food from Aaron, but she's made moves at mine before and she had my friend's 4 year old pinned against a wall trying to steal her food. That's the only time I've seen her interact with a small child, and I wasn't impressed with her behavior.

I swear that dog is going to be the end of me too. She's constantly underfoot, especially when we first get home. I've almost tripped on her multiple times, and I'm terrified she's going to make me fall and undo all the surgery I've just had. We just yell at her to move and I nudge her with a crutch and so far that seems to be working. It's the sneak attack I worry about, when she darts in front of me from out of sight... At least Ghost isn't very stealthy

Huh, I guess my aunt's dog was unusual. She had a Cocker when I was a kid and he was sweet and adorable. At the time, I thought I would get one when I grew up. I don't remember any peeing issues, and he loved to play with us kids. Hm... maybe I do recall him getting testy a couple of times, now that I think about it, but it was usually because we were being annoying. haha.

I ended up changing my mind about getting one because the poor guy had a lot of medical issues later in life, and I heard that was pretty normal for them. I didn't want to have to go through that. Plus, I like dogs that are a little larger. They're much harder to sit on or step on accidentally. XD

AAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!

I just watched Lulu try very seriously to rip Ghost's face off. I'm really surprised there is no blood, and the poor thing is cowering on the couch right now. And Aaron called Ghost a bitch. Yeah, it was partly her fault, but no, the next time Lulu does that she gets kicked out of the house. Hands down. Aaron was letting Lulu lick his apple core that he was done with (no, we don't let them get the seeds), and Ghost came up to get some too. We were trying to get Ghost to wait her turn, but she got too close to Lulu and Lulu viciously attacked. I'm really not exaggerating either, I've not seen such viciousness from many other dogs. She snarled and lunged, and bit the crap out of Ghost's face. And Aaron freaking yelled at Ghost. He grabbed Lulu by the scruff of her neck to break it up and told her no, but then started yelling at Ghost and called her a bitch. This behavior has got to stop before one of the dogs gets hurt, but I get no help from him. He ALWAYS blames Ghost, and he'll sort of discipline Lulu, but then turns his back. He refuses to see this as problematic behavior. I'm terrified that either Ghost is going to retaliate one day and he'll make me get rid or her, or that we're going to have a small child in the house (either ours or someone else's) that tries to take a toy away and gets mauled.

I'm really trying with this dog, and I don't know what else to do.

Aaron is now sulking in his office with Lulu with the door closed

Sorry to hear that. Maybe let him calm down and discuss again? Sounds like Lulu is a resource guarder with other dogs. If you can't agree on other things - but agreeing to not having food around both dogs at the same time would help?

She guards with both dogs and people. She will snap at me if I try to take a frisbee or ball away when we play fetch in the backyard. I actually have a video posted, I think under the training section. Usually if we're giving them treats, we give one to each of them and I'll give Ghost hers while Lulu gets hers from Aaron. Today I was sitting on the sofa with my foot propped and Aaron finished his apple on the easy chair across the room. Lulu was already begging (that's another issue I'm trying to fix) so he gave her some, and Ghost hopped off the sofa where she was sitting with me to go get some as well. We were telling Ghost to back up and wait, and she got a little too close. The rest is history...

She also has absolutely no problems pushing a dog out of the way to eat their food. Now that Ghost eats as fast as Lulu it's not a problem in our house, but apparently at other people's houses it is. My friends who watched them this weekend had to separate them at feeding time, because Lulu had no problem pushing Caesar aside and diving right into his bowl. Poor Caesar had no idea what to do, but another dog might kill her for that...

This dog has serious possessive issues...

I'm so sorry Meredith! That's got to put so much stress on you and Aaron.