I need some advice on how to train my humans. this is partially a rant, so i apologize, but i am really frustrated and at a loss as to what to do. I currently live with my boyfriend and my stepsister, and i have two dogs, my 3 year old Sibe, Thor, and my 1 1/2 year old german/golden (we think) mix, Kimmi.

I admit, we got Kimmi a little too fast because Thor wasn't as trained as i wanted him to be, so now i am really trying to work on training them. Not that i wasn't before, but it is really disheartening because i can't seem to train my human.

I have done alot of reading on training, different types of training, ways to do things, etc. And though i admit that i am still learning and might not know whats absolutely the best, i am trying to incorporate everything i have learned from multiples schools of thoguht, what we did when we got professional training for my old dog, etc. and my boyfriend seems to dismiss everything that i ask him to do, and there is no consistency.

Here are just a few examples of things that have frustrated me to no end:

He doesn't think that Thor needs the 2 hour long walks a day. he thinks they would be okay just running in the backyard because he can actually run and it expends more energy. Needless to say, i do most of the walks, but when i don't, their walks are short. He does take him on an occasional bikejoring ride, but normally once a week or once every two weeks - thats not enough! Similarly, i have my stepsister helping, but she doesn't do long walks either. So its about a mile walk whenever they take them. I normally do 2-3 miles minimum.

Leash manners. when i first got Thor i was somewhat strict with him because i wanted him to learn. i had him at a heel position (well, a little ahead but for the most part) and no pulling was allowed. We would walk at my pace and i would stop every once in a while and let him sniff. and he was really getting the hang of it. I find out, he was walking him without a heel at the end of the leash (which is fine - if he told me and we could be consistent) and thor started pulling more and more and more. one day my stepsister was walking him (she isn't very strong, granted) but he decided to dart, pulled her onto the ground, and just ran away, leash attached.

Bikejoring. Is a great thing. but he started taking thor bikejoring (where he can obviously pull) with the same harness, and no training to seperate anything out.

Training - instead of teaching recall, heel, leash manners, etc, he found it was a better use of his time to teach "rollover" and "turn" despite my constant requests to work on the basics first. additionally, when he does these training sessions thor howls and whines the whole time and eventually does it.

leaving them unattended in the backyard: my instructions, don't leave him unattended in the backyard, if you take him anywhere (like to his mothers house) bring the stake so he has his long lead and can run but not get out. yeah, that didn't happen.... not to mention, our fence is easily jumpable (luckily he only jumps into one neighbors back yard and not out of the yard, but still, not what i want.

so since kimmi. she is a really sweet dog. we think she is younger than we were originally quoted and she has puppyish behaviors, including being energetic, getting her nose in everything, and barking and windchimes on the walk. but she is a good dog and wants to please (thor is a good dog but doesn't care about pleasing, is so stubborn he does what he wants). But he is excessively harsh on kimmi. behaviors that he lets slide with thor he wants to use positive punshiment on kimmi. if she starts sniffing at food while we are eating, he wants to hit her snout (not hard, but i refuse to let that be acceptabel in my house with my dogs). he wants to get her a bark collar, whereas i want to train her that barking isn't going to get her anything and to ignore her when she barks, and train her how to control it.

the other person living with me, my stepsister, means well, but its still a struggle. When giving commands she lacks conviction, says everything in a very high pitched sweet passive tone. even though i need to say you need to give the command (not yell, but have conviction). she reinforced negative behavior. if one of the dogs is barking or whining she does a *kiss kiss* noise and calls them over. and she is home most of the day to help babysit, but she has her door closed and is asleep most of the day and kimmi started chewing on a chair one day.

I want to work on training the dogs. correcting their behaviors. wanting them to do things because they want to, not because we force them or they are scared. it takes time, and patience, and i want to do that. i want them to respect all of the humans and listen to all of us. i am working with the clicker to do clicker training. and i am willing to put in the time. or hire outside trainers if i can't do it myself.

but i am disheartened because i feel like everything is going to be negated. should i just decide to do all of the taking care of myself and not ask for help because that screws everything up? or should i trust that they can decipher appropriate behaviors with each person individually. i do work full time i am in the middle of my prelim exam semester. its an hour commute to and from work. so my day is tight. but i still try and put in alot of time for my dogs. but some help would be nice. but is it worth it. by asking for help, am i going to have to deal with poorly behaved dogs because they are confused by what is expected of them? if i get professional training, will the lack of consistency just cause me to waste my money.

any advice on this matter would be greatly appreciated. i am sorry for the long rant. i am just frustrated and confused and want the best for my Thor and Kimmi.

When itncomes to leash walking the dogs will learn differnt rules for different people/situations and handle it fine so imo I'd just let others walk the dog the way they see fit.

With behaviour in the house like barking you'll need to get eveyone on board. It sounds like you understand how to deal with bad behavoir so it is just a matter of getting everyone on the same page. professional trainer isn't going to be able to help of bad behaviour is being rewarded but it is possible the others will listen to a trainer when they just ignore you.

Hi Christine!

My name is Chelsi--it's nice to meet you, but sorry to hear about all of the issues you're having. Just so you know, I don't yet own a husky but I have raised other dogs and I do currently live with my Fiance. Since it's more of how to train a human post, I thought maybe I still might be able to provide some insight!

I used to own Sugar Gliders and my current boyfriend reacted kind of in the same manner with them as your boyfriend seems to, to your Sugar Gliders. I couldn't find a solution and it came down to me saying: "These are MY pets, not yours, and I will not tolerate you handling them however you feel!" That certainly wasn't the best idea since that left Roman (my Fiance) feeling dejected (because he wanted to be a part of me and my animal's time and love) but also hurt because he truly felt like he was helping / doing things that were OK.

The fact of the matter is, in my experience and what I've read on here and other places about Huskies, every single person needs to be on board both with getting a Husky as well as how he will be trained. Since Huskies have a mind of their own, they are always going to play Mom vs. Dad and push the boundaries of the "rules", and trying to teach him two separate "rules" is only going to give him a reason to break rules!

So, quote by quote, here's my feedback / advice. Again, I'm not a professional nor an expert, so please take everything with a grain of salt and utilize something only if you think it will work for you!

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Needless to say, i do most of the walks, but when i don't, their walks are short. He does take him on an occasional bikejoring ride, but normally once a week or once every two weeks - thats not enough!

Jorring is an excellent way to expend a Husky's energy and I think that's a great alternative to walking. (We don't have Koda, our Husky, just yet. But when he gets old enough, that will be his main source of exercise!) Jorring also makes it easier to go further for you (since let's face it, we're not really doing anything) and in my opinion seems a lot more fun!

If your boyfriend enjoys jorring with Thor, than maybe encouraging that would make him a bit more excited.

As well, a lot of this post to me sounds like you and he "take turns" caring for Thor (which is understandable if you're at work and he's not, etc). However, in a relationship unless someone doesn't want any part of an animal, than the animal is than a family pet. (Whether he was bought when you were dating or not.) I would suggest walking him together more often, feeding him together, and doing other activities with Thor together. That way, he may be more willing to work with you with Thor. In the same token, you may have to make compromises just like he.

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Leash manners. when i first got Thor i was somewhat strict with him because i wanted him to learn. i had him at a heel position (well, a little ahead but for the most part) and no pulling was allowed. We would walk at my pace and i would stop every once in a while and let him sniff. and he was really getting the hang of it. I find out, he was walking him without a heel at the end of the leash (which is fine - if he told me and we could be consistent) and thor started pulling more and more and more. one day my stepsister was walking him (she isn't very strong, granted) but he decided to dart, pulled her onto the ground, and just ran away, leash attached.

That, on his part, is just absolutely irresponsible. The reason I say that is because you had already taught the dog a specific way to walk (or were training him a specific way,) and than your boyfriend taught him it was OK to do it another way. I do not agree with Merch--I don't believe Huskie's will "learn" and "act" differently with different people--instead, they seem more prone to constantly testing and breaking rules to see who their Alpha is and what they can get away with. Your boyfriend has now taught him that pulling is OK, and that is NOT OK.

That being said, coming at this from terms of "This is the way I want it done, so this is the way you'll do it," won't help at all with the relationship itself. It will make your boyfriend feel as if you don't care about his thoughts and than he'll just be upset, and that won't get you anywhere.

Even though we already know you don't agree with his idea, try asking him what his idea is. As he explains, nod, and give some type of small compliment or positive response so that he knows you're listening and care about his opinion. (IE: "Yes, walking him for an hour might be a lot easier!") After giving slight credit to his idea, ask him his thoughts on walking Thor for an hour extra. (IE: "What do you think about walking him a little longer?") Be positive, be sure not to ask in a negative way (IE: "Well why can't we walk him for 2 hours?" - You don't want your boyfriend to get defensive!)

Asking him in such a way reinforces that you care about what he thinks and you want him to be a part of the process. Leading him to the answer you want him to eventually agree with might be an easier tactic. Most people are more eager to accept and go along with something that was their idea.

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Training - instead of teaching recall, heel, leash manners, etc, he found it was a better use of his time to teach "rollover" and "turn" despite my constant requests to work on the basics first. additionally, when he does these training sessions thor howls and whines the whole time and eventually does it.

In this instance, I think you may be asking a little too much. Part of the reason of owning a husky is for their love, affection and fun they provide! Your boyfriend may find teaching those other things more fun. You'll have to rely on yourself to teach Thor the other basics. As long as your boyfriend isn't harming the training (like he did with the leash thing) there's not much to say there.

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leaving them unattended in the backyard: my instructions, don't leave him unattended in the backyard, if you take him anywhere (like to his mothers house) bring the stake so he has his long lead and can run but not get out. yeah, that didn't happen.... not to mention, our fence is easily jumpable (luckily he only jumps into one neighbors back yard and not out of the yard, but still, not what i want.

Again, completely irresponsible of him. Not only can he jump over the fence but he can dig under it. Again, though, you might be able to try the tactic above to get him to agree with his own idea.

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But he is excessively harsh on kimmi. behaviors that he lets slide with thor he wants to use positive punshiment on kimmi. if she starts sniffing at food while we are eating, he wants to hit her snout (not hard, but i refuse to let that be acceptabel in my house with my dogs). he wants to get her a bark collar, whereas i want to train her that barking isn't going to get her anything and to ignore her when she barks, and train her how to control it.

From my experience reinforcement such as that will only make the dog scared of the person giving the punishment, and eventually they'll just continue the behavior, only not in front of the person that punishes them for doing it. (Hence why negative reinforcement for potty training isn't helpful.)

One reason he feels so attached to his methods and is trying to convince you to do it that way, could be because of his upbringing. My parents raised our last two dogs in a similar method, even though they were always the worst behaved dogs I've ever seen. (They really had no idea how to properly train a dog.) Anyway, that's a complete guess as I don't know any of you personally, but if that could be why than it might give you some insight on what you're dealing with: IE: Why he's so adamant about that way of training.

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the other person living with me, my stepsister, means well, but its still a struggle. When giving commands she lacks conviction, says everything in a very high pitched sweet passive tone. even though i need to say you need to give the command (not yell, but have conviction). she reinforced negative behavior. if one of the dogs is barking or whining she does a *kiss kiss* noise and calls them over. and she is home most of the day to help babysit, but she has her door closed and is asleep most of the day and kimmi started chewing on a chair one day.

I've noticed that people that don't have lots of self confidence often don't assume the "Alpha" position when playing or interacting with dogs (or people that had a bad experience with dogs in the past). Unfortunately you can't change people and no amount of assuring or teaching her the correct way will allow her to do that. If she has it in her and wants to change than there's hope! But I wouldn't hold your breathe and I wouldn't let that set-back be something you worry too much about, to be honest. Just don't allow her to walk the dog by herself, or do something where she would absolutely need to assume the alpha role.

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but i am disheartened because i feel like everything is going to be negated. should i just decide to do all of the taking care of myself and not ask for help because that screws everything up? or should i trust that they can decipher appropriate behaviors with each person individually. i do work full time i am in the middle of my prelim exam semester. its an hour commute to and from work. so my day is tight. but i still try and put in alot of time for my dogs. but some help would be nice. but is it worth it. by asking for help, am i going to have to deal with poorly behaved dogs because they are confused by what is expected of them? if i get professional training, will the lack of consistency just cause me to waste my money.

Again, I am not a specialist or a professional and everything I say comes only from personal experience; you already know what is right or wrong for you personally (or what needs to be changed). But having pets in a family is NOT a one person act and acting for help shouldn't leave you feeling negative. Even if you bought the dog when you were alone, now you're a part of a "family"--and they have to be on board with having your babies, too.

I do believe if you opt for professional dog training that, without everyone in the household on the same page, that it will do little for the dog (and for you). (Unless the issue is something like biting / mouthing.) But for things where everyone needs to do the same, certain thing (IE: walk the dog on the leash) there needs to be acceptance and agreement between everyone that is currently a part of that family.

I hope my reply is helpful! :3 Best of luck to you!

Hi Chelsi,

Wow. That was perhaps the most in depth response ever, and i appreciate it immensely. I want to give you a "treat" for that, but i don't know how to use the site well enough to do it. Your response definitely made me feel better (in a sense). I worry at times that my frustration isn't necessary due to the things he is doing, but rather other aspects of the situation, and that i may infact be over reacting.

We ended up getting Thor a week before my boyfriend moved to the area, and it was supposed to be for both of us. An infact, i chose Thor because he had his heart set on several breeds. I am an extreme animal lover and just wanted to rescue and older animal from the shelter. I went into this thinking that i was going to get help and be able to split the responsibilities, have companies on walks, and that we can go at everything as a team. but instead, i feel like there is more of a split than that. i have ended up paying for everything, and being a typical dog mom i worry about them alot more. But at the end of the day, i really wanted dogs, i love them, and i can accept the responsibility of doing most of the work and training (going back to your comment about the training tricks rather than obedience). But i am absolutely hurt by the fact that the things i am trying to do are being negated, and i wanted to make sure that i wasn't over reacting.

He currently has his PhD in behavioral neuroscience and has extensively studied learning and memory, and now stress resiliency in animals. His knowledge of animal learning biases him to believe that the way he does it is the right way, and that alot of dog training is literature is based on myth. That is why i worry about getting a trainer. If it weren't for that bias, i would readily get a trainer and truly believe that all people would be on board.

I just really want what is best for the animals, and at times i feel like i am drowning, and all of the double taking is more difficult.

Once again, thank you for your detailed response. it is immensely appreciated.

Regards,
Christine

Aww, thanks Christine! I'm new (just joined today in fact) as well! I just took a look at the "treat forum" because I realized I had no idea how to either, but it seems like us "Puppies" can't give treats! (I guess we can't reach the kitchen counter yet ) But thank you for the compliment, I guess I'll continue writing posts like that!

A-hah! That is where that "I know this is the right way" vibe was coming from! That certainly makes a lot of sense and sheds some light!

But on a personal note, no, I don't feel as if you're over reacting. I had my Sugar Gliders before I even met my Fiance, and he tried handling them like cats--to the point I was petrified he was hurting them. We got into so many fights about the Sugar Gliders we almost broke up (and ironically, that was the only thing we ever really fought about).

It took us 6 months to figure out why we were arguing about it, and how to resolve our different views. At the end of the day, he still feels he was playing with them just fine and I still want to smack him over the head like Gibbs in NCIS. But the important part isn't that the view is the same, just that you manage to work it out. And I'm sure you will, just like we did!

Feeling of drowning certainly isn't good, but you'll come out of it! What I've read about Huskies all points to you being correct--2 hours is good length for a walk (or even 2 different walks, 1 hour each), teaching him to not pull is a MUST, don't leave him unattended in the yard. Perhaps a mediator would help you both in communicating your thoughts and ideas better so that at the end of the day, he might be able to understand you better and in turn, you won't feel like your drowning!

Best of luck with all your endeavors!

- Chelsi

Chelsi,

Dogs repeat rewarding behaviour and do not generalize very well. They learn nlt just which behaviours are rewarding but in what contrxt they are rewarding. Most huskies are stubborn and will push boundries but that wi happen regardless of whether or not different sets of leash rules. Because pulling is self-reinforcing (if the dog is successful) there is a lot of incentive for the dog to 'test' the handler.

Varu will not heel to anyone but me because I've made it more rewarding than pulling. He still tests me from time to time but he is mostly good on the leash. His leash behaviour is consistent with the two other dogs (GSDs) I have dealt with considerably in the past so I don't believe he is unique in this regard.