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 Critical Neighbours

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Gillian
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Female Join date : 2017-10-20
Location : Antrim, Northern Ireland

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PostSubject: Critical Neighbours   Critical Neighbours EmptyMon Apr 20, 2020 8:02 am

My son works at a shop next door to us and his fellow employees love to criticise him over our care of our dog. They say she is underweight and that we're not looking after her properly. She is small, being the smallest in the litter, but she is very strong and feeds well and the vet says she is in good health. Fortunately they haven't made any comments recently, but does anyone else have to put up with judgemental neighbours?

Gillian
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Lostmaniac
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Lostmaniac

Female Join date : 2018-10-22
Location : Colorado

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PostSubject: Re: Critical Neighbours   Critical Neighbours EmptyMon Apr 20, 2020 9:29 am

Hmm yes spider looks anorexic when her coat is blown, and one thing ive noticed is everyone knows more about your dog then you do. They also know the breed better even if they have never met that breed. Well thats what they think anyway. Most dogs in america are over weight so when someone sees a dog thats in shape they think there is something wrong. I find people in an area i take squirt are extremely critical of squirt and her behavior. On the everyone knows more then you this is what happens with squirt. Squirt is non reactive to other dogs/people/objects when she is on a leash within reason. I do not let other dogs approach her because she cant be that close to other dogs. Every once in awhile i come across someone that thinks because i wont let thier dogs approach squirt that she should not be in public and one lady with 6 toy poodles thought squirt should be put to sleep. The ladys words "there are so many perfect dogs that any dog with an issue should be put down like that mutt you have". Thats another thing i get criticized for... none of my dogs are allowed to interact with unknown dogs.

So just ignore the guys at the shop accept that everyone thinks they know more then you and do what youve been doing.
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TwisterII
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TwisterII

Female Join date : 2013-06-14
Location : Missouri

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PostSubject: Re: Critical Neighbours   Critical Neighbours EmptyMon Apr 20, 2020 10:58 am

I'm usually the judgmental neighbor, but that's just because everyone around me lets their dogs bark constantly and never takes them for a walk.

My big male looks horrible in spring because he's allergic to everything. His hair falls out and he looks like he has mange sometimes because the pollen in the air causes his skin to itch and ooze. He gets medicated baths and his dose of prednisone goes up but there's nothing for it. Never had anyone say anything to me wondering what horrible things I do to him, but I do feel bad for him and there's nothing anyone else could do more than what I already spend a fortune doing for him. If you have a vet that will stand behind you stating that your dog is seen when it should be seen and is healthy then there's nothing their complaints can really do other than be an inconvenience.

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Gillian
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Newborn


Female Join date : 2017-10-20
Location : Antrim, Northern Ireland

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PostSubject: Re: Critical Neighbours   Critical Neighbours EmptyFri May 15, 2020 4:37 pm

Thanks. They tend to be judgemental about everything that we do or else they're just winding him up because he gets frustrated easily - he's autistic. I've told him we're not doing anything wrong and what we do or don't do is none of their business.

Gillian
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Lostmaniac
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Lostmaniac

Female Join date : 2018-10-22
Location : Colorado

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PostSubject: Re: Critical Neighbours   Critical Neighbours EmptySat May 16, 2020 1:53 pm

Yesterday on the incredible dr pol they had a great analogy to this only with horses. A guy buys a thoroughbred as a barrel racer and no matter how much the horse eats it doesnt gain weight so he takes it to the vet. The vet looks at the horse and says hes a very nice looking horse but it will never look like the fat quarterhorses you are used too.

@gillian So i lived in southern Ireland for a little over a year and now that i think about it, i didnt see one husky the entire trip.
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Kdavlin15
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Newborn


Female Join date : 2020-04-28
Location : Idaho

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PostSubject: Re: Critical Neighbours   Critical Neighbours EmptySun May 24, 2020 6:18 pm

I've experienced the same judgment with my pup. Lostmaniac is correct, people seem to think they know more about your dog then you do for some reason. I have also been told that I should put Leela down because when she is excited she makes noise that sounds like snarling and she has been mistaken for aggressive. I always have to tell people, "She's friendly, she just loves to talk!" I would just ignore it, as difficult as that is when you are being accused of not taking proper care of your pet.
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Gillian
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Newborn


Female Join date : 2017-10-20
Location : Antrim, Northern Ireland

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PostSubject: Re: Critical Neighbours   Critical Neighbours EmptyWed Jun 17, 2020 7:39 pm

It's easy enough for me to ignore it as the comments are directed at my son, not me. I doubt if any of them have a husky themselves.

Emily, I am in Northern Ireland. I don't know about the south of Ireland, but there are quite a few huskies around in the town where I live.

Gillian
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Lostmaniac
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Lostmaniac

Female Join date : 2018-10-22
Location : Colorado

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PostSubject: Re: Critical Neighbours   Critical Neighbours EmptyWed Jun 17, 2020 10:20 pm

May have been the area i was in. Also my focus was 2 show ponies i was being paid to ride so i didnt do much going out. The driving on the wrong side of the road was terrifying.
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Gillian
Newborn
Newborn


Female Join date : 2017-10-20
Location : Antrim, Northern Ireland

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PostSubject: Re: Critical Neighbours   Critical Neighbours EmptyWed Sep 23, 2020 10:18 am

More criticism from the neighbours. I have stopped walking Yuki - my two younger sons walk her - since my husband took a stroke a couple of months ago and I have had to take over a lot of his roles as well as helping him remember words he wants to say in conversation. Thankfully there were no physical effects from the stroke, but he has aphasia as a result. The wife in the husband/wife team who run the business where my son works were asking why I had stopped walking the dog. One of the other workers was also asking the same question and when my son told him I needed to spend a lot of time doing things for my husband they were indignant and said that was just an excuse. The wife mentioned said my husband was fine because she'd seen him walking about. My son has autism and has difficulty explaining how things really are for my husband and they will not accept being told that what we do or don't do is none of their business.

Gillian
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amymeme
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amymeme

Female Join date : 2013-12-20

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PostSubject: Re: Critical Neighbours   Critical Neighbours EmptyWed Sep 23, 2020 1:18 pm

A good question to ask in these situations is "are you trying to hurt me?" If the say yes, then the response would be why would you want to hurt me? If the response is no, then the response would be maybe you didn't know, but when you say things like that, it is very hurtful to me.

Another tack could be "why would you say sick a thing?"

Or, an open ended statement such as "and this is your business because....?"

I'm sorry you have to go through this. My best wishes on your husband's recovery.
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Lostmaniac
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Lostmaniac

Female Join date : 2018-10-22
Location : Colorado

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PostSubject: Re: Critical Neighbours   Critical Neighbours EmptyWed Sep 23, 2020 2:29 pm

Hope his recovery goes well. Sounds like miserable people that want to make those around them miserable.

What i would do would probably, long term, not help. I would give them one chance to explain why they feel doing this is appropriate, and depending on the answer, verbally let them have it.

Years ago on the farm we ended up with major neighbor issues. Mostly it involved flies and manure management when a housing developer turned the soybean field next to us into mcmansion subdivision. We ended up with all these state agencies and the police. Didnt matter who was right at that point, it became a who had more money for lawyers problem.

It may be your son needs a new job, since they seem to enjoy upsetting him. I was disabled physically as a kid and some people are sadistic and think disability means they can do and say whatever they want to a disabled person without repercussions. Its sad and true. And from my personal experience, the more perceived status the person thinks they have, the more likely they are to treat someone with a disability as less then. Im sorry you have to go through this as a parent.
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Gillian
Newborn
Newborn


Female Join date : 2017-10-20
Location : Antrim, Northern Ireland

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PostSubject: Re: Critical Neighbours   Critical Neighbours EmptyThu Nov 12, 2020 7:23 pm

Thank you Amymeme and Lostmaniac. Unfortunately the criticism comes indirectly through my son, whom his employers forbid to tell me anything that they have said. Lostmaniac, your experience as a kid sounds much like my son's then and now. His co-workers treat him as a lesser being and like a child and show him no respect. His social worker thinks he should be doing fewer hours and spending days he isn't working on self-confidence-building activities. I haven't told him that, in case he talks about it at work - he just can't keep things to himself. I don't know what his employers will think of the idea - they're actually talking about getting him to do more hours so that he'll get all his work done.

Of course, Yuki thinks he's wonderful.

Gillian
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Lostmaniac
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Lostmaniac

Female Join date : 2018-10-22
Location : Colorado

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PostSubject: Re: Critical Neighbours   Critical Neighbours EmptyFri Nov 13, 2020 1:40 am

Maybe have the social worker talk to your son forst then go with your son and talk to his employer. I agree with the confidence building,
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Gillian
Newborn
Newborn


Female Join date : 2017-10-20
Location : Antrim, Northern Ireland

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PostSubject: Re: Critical Neighbours   Critical Neighbours EmptySat Dec 12, 2020 8:18 pm

Since my son is not allowed to discuss with me anything that is said at work - regardless of whether it is to do with me or not - going with him to speak to his employer would just get my son into trouble, with him being accused of 'lying'.

Gillian
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Lostmaniac
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Senior
Lostmaniac

Female Join date : 2018-10-22
Location : Colorado

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PostSubject: Re: Critical Neighbours   Critical Neighbours EmptySun Dec 13, 2020 12:17 am

If it was me, i would start looking for a new job. Im in a situation right now where im trying to convince someone to let me "work" for free this summer. They want to hire me, but i cant get paid or i lose medicare.
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aljones
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aljones

Male Join date : 2014-08-18
Location : Terlingua, Texas

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PostSubject: Re: Critical Neighbours   Critical Neighbours EmptySun Dec 13, 2020 12:25 am

Unless your son (or you as guardian) has signed a non-disclosure agreement, I'd be willing to bet that their telling him not "to discuss with (you) anything that is said at work" is impinging on his freedom of speech.  
I'd first talk to his social worker and depending on their comments prepare to go to court.  If the social worker has any kind of working relationship to his employer she might want to talk to them about a few things. I'm considering abuse of the handicapped, freedom of speech, probably a few others if I really looked and I'm sure a decent lawyer could find a few more and a good lawyer could probably make a very interesting case.
My first take on this is that you're son is going to have a really difficult time building his self esteem while working in an abusive arrangement.  You talking to the employer might get him fired, which looks like it might be the best thing to happen to him.
(( Sorry there are times I get outspoken and opinionated ... you've just touched on my irritation! ))
Tell me, please tell me, that this isn't a family company (your family)!

ETA: I had to go back and look, you're in the UK part of Ireland. I don't know anything about British law but I've heard of cases (through *my* forum) that harassment of anyone with any type of disability is ground for legal action, probably starting at council level but depending on the level of autism your son has and the degree of harassment he has to endure would probably escalate rapidly. Here in the States, I don't think any parent would think twice about contemplating legal action, in the UK I think I'd consider the frying pan well before I jump into the fire.

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“Properly trained, a man can be dog’s best friend.”
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Lostmaniac
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Senior
Lostmaniac

Female Join date : 2018-10-22
Location : Colorado

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PostSubject: Re: Critical Neighbours   Critical Neighbours EmptySun Dec 13, 2020 2:12 pm

Dunno if those protections exist in Ireland. They have some weird laws like when i lived there they once again outlawed abortion and lowered the age of consent to 14.
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Gillian
Newborn
Newborn


Female Join date : 2017-10-20
Location : Antrim, Northern Ireland

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PostSubject: Re: Critical Neighbours   Critical Neighbours EmptyWed Feb 10, 2021 6:14 pm

Thank you all for your advice and suggestions. If my son were to lose his job, he would also lose the use of his accomodation, which he rents from his employers. The fact that he is still living close to home means he can come each day and walk Yuki - something which they both love - as well as have some independence. I don't know how feasible it would be for M to move back in here, but if he was to move out of the area, he wouldn't be able to walk Yuki as much.

Thankfully, there hasn't been much comment about the dog walking issue, or if there has, M has not mentioned it. I try not to let it bother me. I'm certainly not going to do something just because they think I should.

Gillian
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Lostmaniac
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Lostmaniac

Female Join date : 2018-10-22
Location : Colorado

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PostSubject: Re: Critical Neighbours   Critical Neighbours EmptyWed Feb 10, 2021 6:42 pm

I totally get the not wanting to rock the boat. Im in a neighbor situation involving the mail and a neighbor that refuses to put up a dog fence (he has a cow fence) or tie up their 4 dogs. Their rottie scared the mailman so now if the dogs come out of the fence and run to my mailbox, my mail doesnt get delivered. Also i cant have my dogs outside the fence in my own yard because of the dogs. Its probably almost a mile between our house and theirs with the mailbox about half way between. Anyway i dont know what to do. If they attack a person or are on my property then i can shoot them. I was told by the sheriff that i cant drop them at the animal shelter because i know where they live, without potentially being charged with theft. And we are both homeowners so i dont want a war.

So i get that to some extent the benefits outweigh the other crap and yuki probably is one of his reasons for staying on the job. I dont really understand the idea of families wanting to live near each other but my immediate family lives 8 or 9 timezones away in Israel. I had more relatives then i could count in Baltimore but even my cousin that lived across the street from my mom we saw maybe once every few years and usually that was unintentional.

So how is yuki doing now? If it makes you feel better i dont walk 3 of my dogs either. Not because of critical neighbors but because of one very inconsiderate neighbor.
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